I am a rather unique individual. My parents loved me, but were learning on the job. I was a middle child, therefore, in charge of making peace anytime my mother and father had a problem. My father thought that the secret to good marital communication was to STOP talking to my mother. Now that would have been a good idea, if it lasted several hours – a cooling off period. But no. He would stop talking for days…weeks. It drove me crazy.

So, I became the “in-house marital therapist” at about age 10. I’d go to my older sister, Pat, and my younger brother, Bob, and connive a plan with them to get my parents talking together – so the icy tension would subside. It usually worked.

This was a big load for the 10 year old in-house family therapist. But, he works hard at it, feels compelled to keep the peace, and worries extensively instead of focusing on his own development.

Now this is important. These are all good people – deep down really loving people who are unaware of how the family’s inter-relationships are impacting each individual.

Many of us “are in the same boat” with regard to how we were raised. We start out with 2 parents…neither of whom ever took a course in: how to communicate with your spouse to create a loving partnership…nor, how to raise healthy children in a topsy-turvy world… nor, how to maintain a loving marital relationship while raising and launching children. And,when the boat hits a storm (everyone’s boat does)…no one sought professional help…and probably worked harder doing the same things that got them into the trouble in the first place…